Hilarious Joke - Dumb Blonde

joker · Jun 25, 2014, 01:32 PM

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. "What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.

"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.

"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."

joker · Jun 25, 2014, 01:32 PM

Time · Jun 27, 2014, 03:31 PM

ABUJA, Nigeria (AP) — Nigeria's intelligence agency said it has been warning shopping complexes in Abuja for two weeks that Islamic extremists might attack them in the capital, where a blast at a mall killed 22 people this week.

More'One Chance': Desperate Parents Pin Hopes on Lab-Grown Organs NBC NewsWhat Happened When One Woman Had Her Picture Photoshopped In 25 Different Countries Huffington PostFriday's Top 6 News Stories NBC NewsToo Old at 24? Miss Delaware Stripped of Her Crown NBC NewsUruguay eliminates Italy; Did Suarez bite again? Sports IllustratedThe increased security may have prevented even more carnage as witnesses said a security guard stopped a car bomber from entering the mall moments before the massive explosion on Wednesday.

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Ending the War on Fat Subscribe The End of IraqHow Many People Watched Orange Is the New Black? No One KnowsSurvivor Donald Chikason told ThisDay newspaper that a security guard argued with the driver of a car who wanted to enter Emab Plaza through the exit gate. When the guard refused, the man bent down and moments later the car exploded, Friday's edition of the newspaper quoted him as saying.

"The man started arguing, behaving as if he was drunk," it quoted him as saying.

Chikason, who works at a bank in the mall, was knocked out by the blast and only regained consciousness in the hospital.

The explosion was heard miles (kilometers) away. It set 17 vehicles ablaze and shattered windows throughout the four-story complex.

Body parts lay around the exit gate, other witnesses told The Associated Press. Dozens of wounded survivors were recovering in the hospitals Friday, most suffering burn wounds like Chikason, but at least one victim's leg was amputated, doctors said.

Nigerian intelligence received information that Boko Haram extremists were planning such an attack, said spokeswoman Marilyn Ogar of the Department of State Security.

"About two weeks ago we heard information that they were planning an attack at a busy shopping mall or market ... and so we had to go from one shopping complex to another trying to tell people to be more aware," she told The Associated Press.

Emab Plaza is the biggest and busiest in Abuja, the nation's capital in central Nigeria. The explosion occurred around rush hour as many residents were hurrying to view Nigeria's Super Eagles match against Argentina at the World Cup in Brazil. It was unclear if the bomb was timed to coincide with that, although Boko Haram has bombed several football viewing venues this year, prompting two northeastern states to ban public events to watch the football spectacular.

The state security department did not publish the intelligence about the threat to shopping malls, apparently to avoid a panic. Last week the government warned it had information that Boko Haram planned to hijack petrol tankers in the capital and booby trap them with explosives.

Two separate bombs in Abuja in April killed about 120 people and wounded more than 200 at a busy bus station.

President Goodluck Jonathan visited the scene of the latest blast and victims in the hospital on Friday, after returning home hastily Thursday night and cutting short his participation at an African Union summit in Equatorial Guinea.

Speaking to reporters at the main hospital, he sympathized with victims and their families and called the 5-year-old Islamic uprising "one of the darkest phases in the history of our nation." Still he said he was confident "we shall surely pass through this" and promised the perpetrators would be brought to book.

Jonathan and his government are making efforts to improve his image following international condemnation of his slow and ineffective response to the April mass abductions of more than 200 schoolgirls who still are held captive by Boko Haram extremists. Boko Haram also is blamed for the kidnappings of another 90 people this week.

Jonathan sent an opinion piece published Thursday in the Washington Post newspaper with the headline: "Nothing is more important than bringing home Nigeria's missing girls."

Nigeria's leader said his silence on the subject was needed to avoid compromising details of the investigation but unfortunately "is being misused by partisan critics to suggest inaction or even weakness ... On my orders, our forces have aggressively sought these killers in the forests of northern Borno state, where they are based," Jonathan wrote, indicating a belief the girls still are in the country. There have been reports of sightings of groups of girls assumed to be those kidnapped in April in neighboring countries.

Jonathan, a Christian, wrote that Boko Haram "seeks to overwhelm the country and impose its ideology on all Nigerians. My government is determined to make that impossible. We will not succumb to the will of terrorists."

He came home to a capital is in mourning, with speedy burials for Muslims among the victims. They included artist Abba Kura. His friend, Muhammad Khalifa Garba wept at his funeral Thursday, where mourners carried his works. He said Kura told him earlier this week that he no longer wanted to paint on canvas and had started a new work, a landscape on paper.

A relative of another victim, Mohammed Maina Bissala, railed against Boko Haram's indiscriminate tactics: "Allah says you should not take the life of a single person, so why should you claim that you are Boko Haram and you are killing everybody, both Muslims and Christians, everybody. What have they done? They have not done anything, these are innocent souls," he told The Associated Press.

Boko Haram's attacks have been concentrated in its stronghold in the northeast of the country but it has spread its attacks to the capital this year and increased the tempo and deadliness of attacks concentrated around bombings in cities and a scorched-earth policy in rural villages in the northeast.

FIFA · Jul 01, 2014, 01:31 AM

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PORTO ALEGRE, BRAZIL - JUNE 25: Lionel Messi (C) of Argentina celebrates scoring his team's first goal with his teammates during the 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil Group F match between Nigeria and Argentina at Estadio Beira-Rio on June 25, 2014 in Porto Alegre, Brazil. (Photo by Alex Grimm - FIFA/FIFA via Getty Images)

CNN · Jul 01, 2014, 05:31 AM

How are you celebrating the World Cup? Join the global conversation on CNN Facebook Pulse

(CNN) -- Redemption is not easy to attain.

Four years on and the scars still remain.

When France's footballers left for Brazil, they were under no illusions -- it cannot happen again.

At South Africa 2010, "Les Bleus" became a laughing stock as players and coaches clashed, strikes were threatened and results embarrassed a nation.

Players were suspended, the entire country waged war on a group which had imploded and exited at the group stage after failing to win a single game.

Tweets by @CNNFC Four years ago the picture was grim.

Fast-forward to the present and perhaps, just perhaps, France may get the opportunity to shock the world for all the right reasons.

A 2-0 victory over Nigeria in Brasilia on Monday ensured its progress to the quarterfinals and a meeting with Germany, which beat Algeria 2-1 after extra time.

It is a far cry for the disillusionment and disappointment which cast a shadow of French football during its last foray into the World Cup.

"What happened, happened," coach Didier Deschamps said when he announced his 2014 World Cup roster on national television.

"That won't go away. It put a stamp on our history. But we don't need to discuss it again."

Deschamps and his players have spoken at length of moving on from the embarrassment of four years ago -- but few expected them to achieve much in Brazil.

After all, this is a France side which only just scraped into the tournament courtesy of a 3-0 playoff victory over Ukraine in Paris after suffering a 2-0 victory in the first leg.

But Deschamps, a World Cup hero on home soil in 1998, has brought about a unity in the squad which has not been seen for many a year.

His decision to leave out Manchester City's Samir Nasri caused controversy outside of the squad -- but it did not surprise those who know Deschamps as the single-minded man that he is.

He commands respect -- it helps if you've won the World Cup and European Championships as well as a host of titles at club level.

And his players are responding -- even when not at their best as they were during the first half against Nigeria.

But such is the quality at his disposal, Deschamps never panicked, even when Nigeria appeared to take the game to his side in the opening 45 minutes.

Islam Slimani of Algeria lies on the pitch next to goalkeeper Manuel Neuer of Germany during a World Cup match Monday, June 30, in Porto Alegre, Brazil. Although Algeria had a late goal, Germany still advanced to the quarterfinals with a 2-1 victory. Algeria's Sofiane Feghouli reacts after losing against Germany. Mesut Oezil of Germany celebrates scoring his team's second goal. Oezil scores Germany's second goal past Rais M'Bolhi of Algeria. Yacine Brahimi of Algeria has his shorts pulled by Philipp Lahm of Germany. Germany's Bastian Schweinsteiger, left, and Sami Khedira fight for the ball with Algeria midfielder Medhi Lacen. Andre Schuerrle of Germany celebrates scoring his team's first goal past goalkeeper M'Bolhi of Algeria. M'Bolhi of Algeria fails to save a shot by Schuerrle in extra time. Algerian defender Rafik Halliche slides under Germany's Bastian Schweinsteiger. Halliche received a yellow card for the challenge. Algeria's Faouzi Ghoulam, center, attempts a shot on goal. German defenders Per Mertesacker, left, and Shkodran Mustafi, second from left, take on Algeria's El Arabi Soudani. German defender Benedikt Hoewedes, left, competes for the ball with Algeria's Sofiane Feghouli. German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer, left, tackles the ball away from Algerian forward Islam Slimani. Algeria fans cheer during the match. A fan looks on prior to the match between Germany and Algeria. An Algeria fan awaits the kickoff of the match. Fans attend a public viewing of the Algeria-Germany match in Berlin. France's Antoine Griezmann, left, and Laurent Koscielny celebrate after a second goal was scored during a World Cup match against Nigeria on June 30. France won 2-0 in Brasilia, Brazil, advancing to the quarterfinals of the soccer tournament. Griezmann, left, celebrates after the ball hit off the shin of Nigerian defender Joseph Yobo, center, for the game's second goal. From left, French midfielders Yohan Cabaye, Paul Pogba and Mathieu Valbuena celebrate after Pogba's second-half goal opened the scoring. Nigeria's goalkeeper, Vincent Enyeama, punches the ball away from goal. Pogba and Juwon Oshaniwa of Nigeria compete for the ball during the second half. Yobo challenges Valbuena. Oshaniwa and Valbuena lie on the field injured. Koscielny and Enyeama compete for the ball. Yobo, left, and Nigerian forward Emmanuel Emenike, third left, chase after the ball near French defenders Koscielny, second left, and Mathieu Debuchy, far right. Nigerian forward Peter Odemwingie, left, challenges Blaise Matuidi of France. Pogba reaches for the ball near Nigeria's Victor Moses. French goalkeeper Hugo Lloris collects the ball as Odemwingie attempts to score during the first half. Pogba reacts after a first-half shot was saved. Oshaniwa, left, and Kenneth Omeruo, right, challenge French forward Olivier Giroud. Giroud heads the ball near Omeruo. Oshaniwa fights off Valbuena during the first half. Nigeria supporters cheer before the start of the match. A France fan cheers before the game. See the best World Cup photos from June 29 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 World Cup: The best photos from June 30 HIDE CAPTION << <

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World Cup: The best photos from June 30

Abdelmoumene Djabou of Algeria shoots and scores his team's first goal in extra time during a World Cup round-of-16 match against Germany on Monday, June 30, in Porto Alegre, Brazil. Despite the late goal, Germany still advanced to the quarterfinals with a 2-1 victory. Click through the gallery to see all the goals scored so far in the World Cup, which is being held in 12 cities across Brazil. Mesut Oezil of Germany scores his team's second goal past Rais M'Bolhi of Algeria. Andre Schuerrle, center, scores a backheel goal in extra time to give Germany a 1-0 lead over Algeria. The ball hits Nigerian defender Joseph Yobo, right, before going into his own net during a World Cup match against France on June 30, in Brasilia, Brazil. France advanced to the quarterfinals with a 2-0 victory. Paul Pogba of France heads in his team's first goal against Nigeria. Sokratis Papastathopoulos of Greece, left, shoots and scores late in the second half to tie Costa Rica during a game in Recife, Brazil, on Sunday, June 29. The elimination-round game ended with a final score of 1-1. Costa Rica advanced by winning a penalty kick shootout. Bryan Ruiz of Costa Rica scores his team's goal against Greece. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar of the Netherlands shoots and scores his team's second goal on a stoppage-time penalty kick during a World Cup game against Mexico in Fortaleza, Brazil, on June 29. The Netherlands won 2-1 to advance to the quarterfinals. Wesley Sneijder of the Netherlands (No. 10) celebrates scoring his team's first goal against Mexico. Giovani dos Santos of Mexico celebrates scoring his team's goal against the Netherlands. James Rodriguez of Colombia, left, celebrates scoring his team's second goal against Uruguay in Rio de Janeiro on Saturday, June 28. Colombia won the game 2-0 to advance to the quarterfinals. Rodriguez had both goals. Rodriguez shoots and scores his team's first goal against Uruguay. Brazil's goalkeeper, Julio Cesar, concedes a goal to Alexis Sanchez during a World Cup game against Chile in Belo Horizonte, Brazil, on June 28. The first game of the elimination round ended with a score of 1-1. Brazil advanced to the quarterfinals by winning a penalty kick shootout. Chile's goalkeeper, Claudio Bravo, can't stop the ball from going in for a Brazil goal. The goal was initially awarded to David Luiz, center, but it was later determined to be an own goal by Chile's Gonzalo Jara. Belgium defender Jan Vertonghen celebrates after scoring during a World Cup match against South Korea on Thursday, June 26, at the Corinthians Arena in Sao Paulo. Algeria forward Islam Slimani, right, heads the ball to score a goal past Russia's goalkeeper Igor Akinfeev during a World Cup match at the Baixada Arena in Curitiba, Brazil. Russia forward Alexander Kokorin, center, scores his team's first goal past Algeria's goalkeeper Rais Mbohli, in blue. Portugal's forward and captain Cristiano Ronaldo scores during the match against Ghana on Thursday, June 26. Portugal won 2-1. Ghana's Asamoah Gyan heads the ball to score a goal against Portugal during a World Cup game in Brasilia, Brazil, on June 26. Thomas Mueller of Germany shoots and scores a goal against the United States in Recife, Brazil, on June 26. Germany won the match 1-0. Ghana defender John Boye, center, hits the ball to score an own-goal as Portugal midfielder Joao Moutinho, right, watches on and Ghana goalkeeper Fatau Dauda tries to defend on June 26. Switzerland midfielder Xherdan Shaqiri, third from left, celebrates with forward Josip Drmic next to Honduras' goalkeeper Noel Valladares after scoring his team's third goal against Honduras in Manaus, Brazil, on Wednesday, June 25. Switzerland won 3-0. Shaqiri celebrates with forward Drmic, back, after scoring his team's second goal against Honduras. Shaqiri celebrates scoring his team's first goal against Honduras. Avdija Vrsajevic of Bosnia-Herzegovina shoots and scores his team's third goal past goalkeeper Alireza Haghighi of Iran during a match in Salvador, Brazil, on June 25. Bosnia-Herzegovina won 3-1. Iran forward Reza Ghoochannejhad, right, kicks to score his team's first goal past Bosnia-Herzegovina goalkeeper Asmir Begovic as Bosnia-Herzegovina defender Toni Sunjic runs during the match. Bosnia-Herzegovina forward Edin Dzeko, front right, celebrates with teammates after Bosnia-Herzegovina midfielder Miralem Pjanic (not seen) scored his team's second goal. Haghighi, picks up the ball Argentina defender Marcos Rojo celebrates his team's third goal against Nigeria in Porto Alegre, Brazil, on June 25. Argentina won 3-2. Nigeria forward Ahmed Musa celebrates scoring his team's second goal against Argentina. Argentina forward Lionel Messi scores his team's second goal against Nigeria. Bosnia-Herzegovina forward Edin Dzeko, left, celebrates scoring his team's first goal against Iran. Musa, right, celebrates his goal with Nigeria defender Joseph Yobo during a match against Argentina. Messi, left, celebrates with his teammate Angel Di Maria, after scoring his team's first goal against Nigeria. Giorgos Samaras of Greece celebrates scoring his team's second goal on a penalty kick against the Ivory Coast on Tuesday, June 24, in Fortaleza, Brazil. Greece won 2-1. James Rodriguez of Colombia shoots and scores his team's fourth goal against Japan on June 24 in Cuiaba, Brazil. Colombia won 4-1. Jackson Martinez of Colombia, right, celebrates with his teammate Rodriguez after scoring his team's third goal against Japan. Ivory Coast's Wilfried Bony, second from left, celebrates with teammates after scoring a goal against Greece. Jackson Martinez of Colombia shoots and scores his team's second goal against Japan. Colombia's goalkeeper David Ospina lies on the ground after Japan's Shinji Okazaki (not pictured) scored his team's first goal. Andreas Samaris of Greece scores against the Ivory Coast. Colombia's Juan Guillermo Cuadrado scores a penalty during the match against Japan. Uruguay's Diego Godin, second right, scores against Italy on June 24 in Natal, Brazil. Uruguay won 1-0. Goalkeeper Guillermo Ochoa of Mexico fails to stop Croatian midfielder Ivan Perisic from scoring on Monday, June 23, in Recife, Brazil. Mexico won 3-1. Fernandinho of Brazil, right, celebrates with his teammate Ramires after scoring his team's fourth and final goal against Cameroon on June 23 in Brasilia. Brazil won 4-1. Mexico's Javier Hernandez celebrates after scoring his team's third goal against Croatia. Andres Guardado of Mexico, center, celebrates after scoring the second goal against Croatia. Mexico's Rafael Marquez, center, heads the ball to score his team's first goal against Croatia. Fred of Brazil scores his team's third goal on a header past Charles Itandje of Cameroon. Brazil forward Neymar, left, celebrates with his teammate Dani Alves after scoring Brazil's second goal against Cameroon. Cameroon midfielder Joel Matip, right, celebrates with Allan Nyom and Vincent Aboubakar after scoring a goal against Brazil. Brazil forward Neymar, right, scores Brazil's first goal past Cameroon goalkeeper Charles Itandje. Memphis Depay of the Netherlands scores his team's second goal past Chile's goalkeeper Claudio Bravo in Sao Paulo on June 23. Netherlands won 2-0. Juan Mata scores the third goal for Spain past Mathew Ryan of Australia at Arena da Baixada in Curitiba, Brazil, on June 23. Spain defeated Australia 3-0, but neither team will advance to the next round. Netherlands midfielder Leroy Fer celebrates scoring the team's first goal against Chile. Spain's Fernando Torres scores his team's second goal past Australian Mathew Ryan. David Villa of Spain scores his team's first goal past Mathew Ryan of Australia. Portugal forward Silvestre Varela gets up after scoring his team's dramatic second goal in the last moments against the United States at Arena Amazonia in Manaus, Brazil, on Sunday, June 22. The final result was a 2-2 draw. Clint Dempsey, left, of the United States celebrates scoring his team's second and go-ahead goal against Portugal. Jermaine Jones of the United States celebrates scoring his team's first goal in the second half against Portugal. Portugal's Nani, center, celebrates scoring a goal against the United States. He scored on a cross about 6 yards out from the goal. South Korean forward Koo Ja-cheol scores his team's second goal against Algeria at the Beira-Rio Stadium in Porto Alegre, Brazil, on June 22. Algeria won 4-2. Yacine Brahimi, second left, scores Algeria's fourth goal against South Korea. Son Heung-min of South Korea scores his team's first goal past Madjid Bougherra of Algeria. Algerian forward Abdelmoumene Djabou celebrates scoring his team's third goal against South Korea. Algeria's Rafik Halliche scores the second goal against South Korea on a header. Islam Slimani of Algeria scores the first goal against South Korea. Belgium's forward Divock Origi, center, celebrates after scoring against Russia in Rio de Janeiro on June 22. Belgium won 1-0. Nigeria forward Peter Odemwingie, right, shoots past Bosnia-Herzegovina goalkeeper Asmir Begovic, left, on Saturday, June 21, in Cuiaba, Brazil. Nigeria won 1-0. Germany substitute Miroslav Klose does a flip to celebrate after equaling the World Cup record of 15 goals overall, giving his team a 2-2 draw with Ghana on June 21 in Fortaleza, Brazil. Asamoah Gyan of Ghana puts his team 2-1 head against Germany. Andre Ayew scores Ghana's equalizer with a header past Germany goalkeeper Manuel Neuer. Germany midfielder Mario Gotze, right, scores the team's first goal against Ghana. Argentina forward and captain Lionel Messi celebrates after scoring the only goal in Argentina's World Cup victory over Iran on June 21 in Belo Horizonte, Brazil. Enner Valencia of Ecuador scores his team's second goal on a header against Jerry Bengtson and Juan Carlos Garcia of Honduras on Friday, June 20, in Curitiba, Brazil. The goal brought the score to 2-1, Ecuador. Carlo Costly of Honduras celebrates scoring his team's first goal, tying the score 1-1. Enner Valencia of Ecuador scores the first goal of the game past Noel Valladares of Honduras. Switzerland midfielder Granit Xhaka scores on a volley in the second half against France on June 20. But France were well ahead by that point, winning 5-2 in Salvador, Brazil. French goalkeeper Hugo Lloris can't get to a free kick from Switzerland's Blerim Dzemaili in the second half. France led 5-0 to that point. French midfielder Moussa Sissoko celebrates scoring his team's fifth goal. Karim Benzema slips the ball past Swiss goalkeeper Diego Benaglio for France's fourth goal. It was Benzema's third goal of the tournament. France's Mathieu Valbuena runs past Benaglio after giving his team a 3-0 lead in the first half. Blaise Matuidi celebrates his first-half goal, which gave France a 2-0 lead. Benaglio kneels near the net after French forward Olivier Giroud, far right, headed in a goal to open the scoring. Costa Rican forward Bryan Ruiz heads the ball past Italian goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon during the first half of a World Cup match Friday, June 20, in Recife, Brazil. Costa Rica held on to win 1-0 and clinch a spot in the next round of the tournament. Uruguayan forward Luis Suarez drills a shot to score a late second-half goal and defeat England 2-1 in a World Cup match Thursday, June 19, in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Suarez had both of Uruguay's goals. England forward Wayne Rooney taps the ball past Uruguay goalkeeper Fernando Muslera to tie the match at 1-1. It was Rooney's first World Cup goal in his career. Suarez celebrates after steering a header past English goalkeeper Joe Hart in the first half. Colombian goalkeeper David Ospina fails to stop a second-half shot by Ivory Coast forward Gervinho during a World Cup match Thursday, June 19, in Brasilia, Brazil. Colombia won the match 2-1. Colombian forward Juan Fernando Quintero celebrates after his goal gave his team a 2-0 lead. Colombia players dance after the first goal of the game, which was scored by James Rodriguez (No. 10) on a header. Mario Mandzukic of Croatia scores his second goal past Charles Itandje of Cameroon during a World Cup match Wednesday, June 18, in Manaus, Brazil. Croatia won 4-0, eliminating Cameroon from World Cup contention. Mandzukic, center, celebrates scoring Croatia's third goal with his teammates Dejan Lovren, left, and Vedran Corluka. Croatian midfielder Ivan Perisic shoots past Itandje. Croatian forward Ivica Olic, center, celebrates after scoring against the team's opening goal against Cameroon. Chilean players celebrate together after midfielder Charles Aranguiz gave them a 2-0 lead against Spain. Chile won the match by that score, eliminating the defending world champions from the soccer tournament. Eduardo Vargas, right, scores Chile's first goal, firing past Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas. Australian goalkeeper Mathew Ryan can't reach a shot by Memphis Depay on June 18. Depay's second-half goal gave the Netherlands a 3-2 victory in Porto Alegre, Brazil. Robin Van Persie of the Netherlands ties the game at 2-2 with a close-range shot in the second half. It was Van Persie's third goal of the tournament. A penalty kick from Australian captain Mile Jedinak gives the "Socceroos" a 2-1 lead over the Netherlands. The penalty was awarded after a handball was called against Dutch defender Daryl Janmaat. Australian forward Tim Cahill celebrates after scoring a goal against the Netherlands. His impressive volley tied the match at 1-1. Arjen Robben of the Netherlands opens the scoring. It was his third goal of the tournament. Russian forward Alexander Kerzhakov, second from right, scores the final goal of a 1-1 draw against South Korea on Tuesday, June 17, in Cuiaba, Brazil. Russian goalkeeper Igor Akinfeev fails to stop South Korea from scoring the first goal of the game late in the second half. Belgium's Dries Mertens shoots what would turn out to be the winning goal during a World Cup match against Algeria on June 17 in Belo Horizonte, Brazil. Belgium won the match 2-1 after trailing 1-0 at halftime. Marouane Fellaini of Belgium, far right, tied the game with a powerful header in the second half. Sofiane Feghouli scores on a penalty kick to give Algeria a 1-0 lead. American defender John Brooks, bottom left, celebrates after scoring the winning goal against Ghana during a World Cup match Monday, June 16, in Natal, Brazil. The United States won 2-1 thanks to Brooks' header in the 86th minute. Andre Ayew of Ghana celebrates after scoring a second-half goal to tie the United States. Clint Dempsey of the United States reacts after scoring in the first minute of the Ghana match. Germany's Thomas Mueller scores his third goal of the game -- and the fourth for his team -- en route to a 4-0 pasting of Portugal on June 16. Mueller's second goal put Germany up 3-0 right before halftime in Salvador, Brazil. Mats Hummels, right, celebrates after heading in a corner kick to put Germany up 2-0. Mueller opens the scoring on a penalty kick, slotting the ball past Rui Patricio of Portugal. The penalty was awarded after Mario Goetze was brought down in the box. Substitute Vedad Ibisevic shoots past Argentina goalkeeper Sergio Romero to score Bosnia-Herzegovina's historic first World Cup goal Sunday, June 15, at the Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro. But Argentina won the match 2-1. Argentina's captain, Lionel Messi, celebrates scoring his team's second goal against Bosnia-Herzegovina. Argentina's Marcos Rojo celebrates after Sead Kolasinac of Bosnia-Herzegovina scored an own goal in the early minutes of the game. Karim Benzema, left, celebrates with teammate Blaise Matuidi after scoring France's third goal against Honduras on June 15. It was his second goal of the match, which France won 3-0 in Porto Alegre, Brazil. Honduras goalkeeper Noel Valladares, right, scores an unfortunate own goal after a shot by Benzema rebounded off the post. It was confirmed by FIFA's new goal-line technology. Benzema celebrates with Patrice Evra after scoring France's first goal against Honduras. Substitute Haris Seferovic scores Switzerland's winning goal against Ecuador, beating goalkeeper Alexander Dominguez in the third minute of extra time to secure a 2-1 victory in the Group E opener June 15 in Brasilia, Brazil. Switzerland's halftime replacement, Admir Mehmedi, scores the equalizer against Ecuador. Enner Valencia's header puts Ecuador in front against Switzerland. Gervinho, left, celebrates with Didier Drogba of the Ivory Coast after scoring the team's second goal in their World Cup match against Japan on Saturday, June 14. Ivory Coast trailed 1-0 at halftime but came back to win 2-1 in Recife, Brazil. Japanese goalkeeper Eiji Kawashima tries in vain to stop a Wilfried Bony header from going in for Ivory Coast's first goal. Keisuke Honda, second from right, celebrates scoring Japan's first goal with teammates Yuto Nagatomo, Yuya Osako and Hotaru Yamaguchi. Italy striker Mario Balotelli, left, heads the winning goal against England on June 14. Italy defeated England 2-1 in Manaus, Brazil. England forward Daniel Sturridge celebrates after scoring a first-half equalizer against Italy. England goalkeeper Joe Hart dives as Claudio Marchisio's long-range shot gives Italy the lead. Uruguay goalkeeper Fernando Muslera, left, looks on as Costa Rica's players celebrate their team's late winner, scored by substitute Marco Urena, on June 14 in Fortaleza, Brazil. Costa Rica won 3-1. Oscar Duarte celebrates after scoring Costa Rica's second goal against Uruguay. Forward Joel Campbell scores Costa Rica's equalizer against Uruguay. Edinson Cavani puts Uruguay ahead with a first-half penalty kick. Colombia midfielder James Rodriguez celebrates after scoring his team's third and final goal during a match against Greece on June 14 in Belo Horizonte, Brazil. Colombia won 3-0. Colombia forward Teofilo Gutierrez scores the second goal. Greece goalkeeper Orestis Karnezis fails to keep out a deflected shot by Colombia's Pablo Armero in the fifth minute of the match. Jean Beausejour of Chile shoots and scores the final goal during his team's 3-1 win over Australia on Friday, June 13, in Cuiaba, Brazil. Australian forward Tim Cahill heads in a first-half goal to cut Chile's lead to one. Chile had a 2-0 lead at the time. The ball bulges the back of the net after Chile's Jorge Valdivia scored in the 14th minute of the game. The goal came within two minutes of Chile's first goal. Chile forward Alexis Sanchez kicks the ball past two Australians to score the opening goal of the match. Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas, right, reacts after Dutch forward Arjen Robben, center, scored to put the finishing touches on a 5-1 win for the Netherlands on June 13. It was Robben's second goal of the match, which was played in Salvador, Brazil. Netherlands forward Robin van Persie, left, celebrates after scoring his second goal of the match to put the Dutch up 4-1. Stefan de Vrij, right, deflects the ball in for the Netherlands' third goal while van Persie collides with Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas. Robben slides on the ground after scoring his first goal. It gave the Dutch a 2-1 lead in the second half. Van Persie scores a diving header in the first half of the match against Spain. It tied the score at 1-1. Xabi Alonso scores on a penalty kick to give Spain an early 1-0 lead. Oribe Peralta celebrates after scoring the only goal in Mexico's 1-0 win over Cameroon on June 13 in Natal, Brazil. Brazilian midfielder Oscar, right, celebrates after scoring a late goal to give his team a 3-1 win over Croatia in the opening match of the World Cup on Thursday, June 12. Neymar scores a penalty kick to give Brazil a 2-1 lead. It was Neymar's second goal of the match, which was played in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Croatian goalkeeper Stipe Pletikosa dives but fails to stop the ball as Neymar scores his first goal to tie the match at 1-1. Brazil's Marcelo, second from right, accidentally deflects the ball past his own goalkeeper, Julio Cesar. It was the first goal of the tournament, and it put the host country in an early hole. Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! Keeping score at the World Cup Goooal! 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Photos: Every goal from the World Cup Paul Pogba's 79th minute header and an own-goal from Joseph Yobo smoothed France's passage into the next round following a difficult afternoon.

"I am very proud of everything we did from the start," Deschamps told French television after the game.

"There was tension out there. They are a very strong side and there were a lot of duels.

"But we're through. We're in the quarter finals and we'll do everything we can to go a stage further."

Only three African teams have ever reached the quarterfinals of the World Cup -- Ghana the last to do so four years ago.

But Nigeria's campaign has been blighted by inconsistency and rows over appearance fees -- a matter so serious that the country's president, Goodluck Jonathan, was forced to intervene and assure players they would be paid.

Form has also been a problem -- a drab goalless draw against Iran in its opening game of the tournament was followed by a narrow victory over Bosnia and Herzegovina.

A 3-2 defeat by Argentina, in which Lionel Messi scored twice, ensured Nigeria qualified in second place despite having only managed a solitary win.

But France, a side which won its group with a style and swagger which was so sorely lacking four years ago, hinted at a far more difficult challenge.

After all, Nigeria had managed just one victory in its previous 11 World Cup matches and suffered defeat on both occasions it had reached the second round in 1994 and 1998.

But if anyone had expected France to simply brush Nigeria aside, they were sorely mistaken.

The Super Eagles, who won the Africa Cup of Nations in 2013, arrived in Brasilia as underdogs, not that you would have known it during the early stages of the contest.

While France appeared slow and sluggish, those in green began in sprightly fashion and thought they had taken the lead after 19 minutes.

Ahmed Musa, the man who terrorized Argentina with two fine goals, picked out Emmanuel Emenike inside the penalty area and the striker turned the ball home.

Unfortunately for Nigeria, Emenike had strayed just offside -- not by much, but enough for the flag of the assistant referee to be held high and bring a curtailment to the celebrations.

Perhaps that piece of luck awoke France from its slumber as just moments later a fine move almost broke the deadlock.

Paul Pogba, one of the most exciting young midfielders in the game, burst into space before feeding Mathieu Valbuena.

Valbuena, free of any Nigeria pressure, then produced an inch-perfect cross that Pogba met with a rasping volley which Vincent Enyeama saved in spectacular fashion.

Enyeama, who plays his club football in France with Lille, kept more clean sheets than any other in Ligue 1 last season.

But that save apart, he was a mere spectator in the first half with France failing to register another shot on target.

France, which had lost two of its previous three World Cup games against African opposition, might have been expected to emerge a different side after the interval.

View my Flipboard Magazine. But that fluidity so evident in group-stage victories over Honduras and Switzerland still proved elusive.

Instead, Nigeria continued to look the more threatening of the two sides -- Peter Odemwingie's fierce effort bringing a sharp save out of Hugo Lloris in the French goal.

By that time, France could have and possibly should have been reduced to 10 men following a horrific tackle by Blaise Matuidi on Ogneyi Onazi.

U.S. referee Mark Geiger showed a yellow card -- much to the consternation of the Nigerians, who believed the challenge warranted more than just a caution.

It was only with the introduction of Antoine Griezmann in place of the disappointing Olivier Giroud up front that France began to look dangerous.

It was Griezmann who helped create the chance of the game with 20 minutes remaining.

The Real Sociedad forward played a one-two with Karim Benzema, sending the Real Madrid striker in on goal -- but his effort was partially saved by Enyeama and hacked off the goal-line by Victor Moses.

Suddenly, it was France which began to take control, with its passing game finally causing Nigeria problems.

First, Benzema crashed an effort across goal which had those in green shirts panicking, while Yohan Cabaye's spectacular 20-yard effort smashed across the crossbar with Enyeama beaten.

But, with 11 minutes to go, France finally got the breakthrough it had threatened.

Enyeama came to deal with a corner and when he could only flap at the ball, Pogba nodded home from close range.

"There are no words to describe this," said Pogba after helping his side past Nigeria.

"I know there is a whole country behind us. Scoring that goal really liberated us. I am so happy for the team and all France. I'm speechless.

"To score a goal for your country, especially in an important match like this to get into the World Cup quarter finals, it's one of the best moments of my life."

Pogba's goal -- the 146th of the tournament, one more than was managed at the entire 2010 World Cup -- set up a frantic finale as Nigeria pushed forward in search of an equalizer.

But every time those in green swarmed forward, France moved to exploit the space and only a wonderful save by Enyeama stopped Griezmann from doubling his side's advantage.

The second goal appeared inevitable and it duly arrived during stoppage time when Joseph Yobo, making his 100th international appearance, deflected Mathieu Valbuena's cross into his own net.

It was a sad end to an afternoon which had begun with such promise for Nigeria -- but for France, the chance for redemption remains.

Read: Germany overcomes Algerian challenge

Read: Deschamps sues model over Nasri rant

Source: CNN

Jobrib · Jul 01, 2014, 07:31 AM

Job Title: Senior Production Technologist_Nigeria_Staff

Company: Air Energi Oil And Gas

Location: Lagos, Nigeria

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Over the last 30+ years we have recruited, supported and managed personnel on many of the world's largest upstream and downstream developments. We understand that only the very best talent will be considered when hiring personnel, which is why we invest in highly trained recruitment and Global Mobility specialists to source, deliver and support your candidates, wherever you need them.

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Job Description:

Provide technical and operational support on all production engineering, well intervention, drilling and completion matters to maximise recovery of company's Oil & Gas reserves from both mature and new fields in the assigned area.

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Requirements: – Minimum of Bachelor's degree (Honours) in Applied Sciences, Geology, Petroleum Engineering, Physics, and Chemical Mining Engineering) or its equivalent. – 10-15 years relevant experience in the Oil & Gas Industry required. – M.Sc. will be an advantage.

Apply to this job

HuffingtonPost · Jul 01, 2014, 01:31 PM

(Updates with details of arrests)

MAIDUGURI, Nigeria, June 30 (Reuters) - Nigerian troops have arrested a businessman suspected of being at the head of a Boko Haram intelligence network that helped plan the abduction of more than 200 school girls in the northeast, the military said on Tuesday.

The man had helped the Islamist militant group plan several attacks, including the killing of traditional ruler the Emir of Gwoza, it said in a statement.

Two women were also arrested as part of the investigation, one of whom was accused of coordinating payments to other "operatives".

A year old intensive military operation against Boko Haram has so far failed to crush the rebels, whose struggle for an Islamic state in largely Muslim northern Nigeria has killed thousands since it was launched in 2009.

The insurgency has destabilized much of the northeast of Africa's top oil producer and biggest economy.

The abduction in mid-April of 276 school girls, 219 of which remain in captivity, has become a symbol of the government's powerlessness to protect civilians from attack.

Defense spokesman Major-General Chris Olukolade said in a statement that the arrested man used his membership of a pro-government vigilante group "as a cover, while remaining an active terrorist".

Olukolade said the man had coordinated several deadly attacks in Maiduguri since 2011, including on customs and military locations as well as the planting improvised bombs.

Violence has been relentless in northeast Nigeria in particular, with hundreds killed in the past two months. There have also been bombings blamed on the militant group in the capital Abuja.

On Sunday, the Chibok community was attacked again in three places. Militants opened fire on churches and homes, killing dozens and burning houses to the ground. (Reporting by Lanre Ola Additional reporting by Camillus Eboh in Abuja; Writing by Tim Cocks Editing by Jeremy Gaunt)
Source: huffingtonPost

Reuters · Jul 02, 2014, 01:31 PM

ABEOKUTA Nigeria (Reuters) - Nigeria is suffering greater carnage at the hands of Islamist group Boko Haram than it did during a secessionist civil war, yet this has ironically made the country's break-up less likely, Nigerian Nobel Literature Laureate Wole Soyinka said.

Speaking to Reuters at his home surrounded by rainforest near the southwestern city of Abeokuta, Soyinka said the horrors inflicted by the militants had shown Nigerians across the mostly Muslim north and Christian south that sticking together might be the only way to avoid even greater sectarian slaughter.The bloodshed was now worse than during the 1967-70 Biafra war when a secessionist attempt by the eastern Igbo people nearly tore Nigeria up into ethnic regions, he added."We have never been confronted with butchery on this scale, even during the civil war," Soyinka said in his front room, surrounding by traditional wooden sculptures of Yoruba deities on Tuesday."There were atrocities (during Biafra) but we never had such a near predictable level of carnage and this is what is horrifying," said the writer, who was imprisoned for two years in solitary confinement by the military regime during the war on charges of aiding the Biafrans.Soyinka, a playwright and one of Africa's leading intellectuals who still wears his distinctive white Afro hairstyle, turns 80 in two weeks. He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1986, the first African writer to receive it.A million people died during the Biafra war, though mostly through starvation and illness, rather than violence.Boko Haram's five-year-old struggle to carve out an Islamic state from its bases in the remote northeast has become increasingly bloody, with near daily attacks killing many thousands.The conflict's growing intensity has led Nigerian commentators to predict it may split the country, 100 years after British colonial rulers cobbled Nigeria together from their northern and southern protectorates. [ID:nL6N0NF3F4]"I think ironically it's less likely now," Soyinka said. "For the first time, a sense of belonging is predominating. It's either we stick together now or we break up, and we know it would be not in a pleasant way."GOVERNMENTS LET IN RELIGIONBoko Haram's abduction of more than 200 schoolgirls in April drew unprecedented international attention to the insurgency and pledges of aid from Western powers, but violence has worsened.Boko Haram fighters frequently massacre whole villages, gunning down fleeing residents and burning their homes. Nigeria, amalgamated by the British in 1914, brought together often historically antagonistic peoples - principally the largely Muslim Fulani, Hausa and Kanuri of the North, and the Yoruba, Igbo and other peoples of the mostly Christian south.Several regional movements have launched low-level independence campaigns that get little national attention. But Soyinka said fewer people were shrugging off Boko Haram's menace."It's almost unthinkable to say: 'well, let's leave them to their devices.' Very few people are thinking that way."Attacks spreading southwards, including three bombings in the capital since April, showed it was not a just a northern problem."The (Boko Haram) forces that would like to see this nation break up are the very forces which will not be satisfied having their enclave," he said. "(We) are confronted with an enemy that will never be satisfied with the space it has."Soyinka blamed successive governments for allowing religious fanaticism to undermine Nigeria's broadly secular constitution, starting with former President Olusegun Obasanjo allowing some states to declare Sharia law in the early 2000s."When the spectre of Sharia first came up, for political reasons, this was allowed to hold, instead of the president defending the constitution," he said. Soyinka sees both Christianity and Islam as foreign impositions."We cannot ignore the negative impact which both have had on African society," he told Reuters. "They are imperialist forces: intervening, arrogant. Modern Africa has been distorted." He added that while the leadership of Boko Haram needed to be "decapitated completely", little had been done to present an alternative ideological vision to their "deluded" followers, driven largely by economic destitution and despair. (Editing by Pascal Fletcher and Andrew Heavens)
Source: Reuters.com

Jobrib · Jul 04, 2014, 07:31 AM

Job Title: Director – Monitoring And Evaluation

Company: Association For Reproductive And Family Health

Job Type: Full Time

Min Qualification: MBA/MSc/MA

Location: Oyo, Nigeria

Job Field: NGO/Non-Profit

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Association for Reproductive and Family Health (ARFH) is one of the leading Nigerian Non- Governmental Organizations implementing programs for improving intercourseual and Reproductive Health (SRH), Care and Treatment of HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis (TB) and Malaria, etc. We offer professionals, opportunities for career advancement, good working environment and competitive remuneration.

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Specific Job/Responsibilities:

Provide technical leadership and specific directions to design and implement a streamlined M&E system that enables staff and volunteers to collect data to capture project performance and results in accordance with donor and award requirements.

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Roles and Responsibilities: – Coordinates all monitoring and reporting activities under the award. – Works in collaboration with the State and Federal Min of Women Affairs and Social development & OVU partners and develops and manages the Project's Performance Monitoring Plan (PMP) – Builds capacity of partners and government in the design, collection, analysis, dissemination and learning from data – Collaborates with partners and government to design appropriate and useful community level data – Maintains cooperative relationship with all key stakeholders and partners in states, LGAs and the communities including policy makers, donor partners and sub-awardees – Serves as the key senior-level M& F resource, working in conjunction with other members of the project management team to provide and maintain the project's overall strategic goal – Supports and guides the project team in implementation of the project's Predominance Monitoring Plan – Supervises the day-to-day work of the M&E staff and provides TA and support to the project states to strengthen M&E systems – Facilitate the development, planning and implementation of Project baseline, midline and final evaluation reports and dissemination – Represents the organization and makes presentations at professional meetings, conferences and workshops related to Monitoring and Evaluation.

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Qualifications: – A Master Degree or PhD in Public health, health policy, development, demography and social statistics or other related field. – A minimum of seven years of M&E experience in the field of HIV/AIDS and OVC, computer literacy with demonstrated use of word processing, database and presentation software (Word, Excel, Power Point). – Experience with database development and management in Access. – DHIS and statistical analysis software (EPI-INFO, SPS, STATA, SAS or similar) is required. – Proven ability to work with donors (United Nations, USAID, Global Fund, DFLD, etc) and Government at all levels. – Excellent writing and communications skills in English and evidence of publishing in peer review journals will be advantage.

Apply to this job

Jobrib · Jul 09, 2014, 07:31 AM

Job Title: Financial Controller/Head Of Treasury

Company: Newly Incorporated Microfinance Bank

Location: Nigeria

Min Qualification: BA/BSc/HND

Job Field: Administration Banking Finance/Accounting/Audit

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A newly incorporated Microfinance Bank, licensed by the Central Bank of Nigeria with State license and based in Abuja is offering professional career advancement opportunities to highly motivated, energetic positive minded individuals to fill the following available vacancy.

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KEY COMPETENCIES REQUIRED: – Candidates should have strong business acumen, good analytical skills and an appreciable Finance and Planning capability.

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OTHER QUALITIES: – Excellent Leadership abilities; Quantitative, qualitative and analytical insiqht; strong written and verbal communication skills; strong client management skills; strong negotiation skills and result oriented.

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ACADEMIC QUALIFICATION: – Minimum of HND/B.Sc (Masters Degree and or relevant professional qualifications will be added advantage).

Apply to this job

CNN · Jul 10, 2014, 01:32 PM

Editor's note: How are you celebrating the World Cup? Join the global conversation on CNN's Facebook Pulse

(CNN) -- FIFA has suspended Nigeria from international football citing government interference in the running of its national federation.

The emergency committee of the world governing body said the blanket ban would come into to place with "immediate effect" which means no Nigerian team, including club sides, can play in regional, continental or international competitions.

In the wake of Nigeria's exit to France at the last 16 of the World Cup, the high court of the West African country ruled that its federation would cease to run the national team, handing over the role to a government civil servant.

View my Flipboard Magazine. This is in breach of a FIFA rules that obliges member associations to manage their own affairs "independently and with no influence from third parties," it said in a statement.

Stephen Keshi, the coach of the African champions, resigned the day after the 2-0 defeat, after leading the Super Eagles out of the group stages of the World Cup for the first time since 1998.

Read: FIFA queries Nigeria over 'lesbian' ban

FIFA warned the Nigerian authorities it would take action, but at the weekend an extraordinary general meeting of the federation took place in Abuja without former NFF (Nigerian Football Federation) chief Aminu Maigari and his congress having been restored to their positions.

Patrick Vieira: How to win a World Cup

Argentina heading to World Cup final Maigari was also arrested on his return from South America, but was later released.

"The suspension will be lifted once the court actions have been withdrawn and the properly elected NFF Executive Committee, the NFF general assembly and the NFF administration are able to work without any interference in their affairs," FIFA added.

Read: Third African title for Super Eagles

The first team to suffer from the ban will be the Nigerian team which is due to take part in FIFA under-20 Women's World Cup next month.

Nigeria's men's national team is also scheduled to begins its defense of the African Cup of Nations title when qualifying matches start in September.

In addition to the exclusion from competitions, the NFF will also fall outside of any training or development programs run by FIFA.

It is not the first time it has fallen foul of the strict FIFA rules on government interference.

Nigeria was temporarily banned from the 2010 World Cup in South Africa after interventions by the country's president Goodluck Jonathan.

Fellow African World Cup qualifier Cameroon was also hit by a temporary suspension in July 2013 for falling foul of the same rule.

Read: Argentina tops group from Nigeria

Source: CNN

CNN · Jul 10, 2014, 01:32 PM