CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report (http://bit.ly/32h4zU)) – An Ohio man today claimed that he had heard of the musical performer Esperanza Spalding, who won the Best Newcomer award at the Grammys last night.
Tracy Klugian, 24, became the first person in the United States to say he had heard of the musical artist, besides Ms. Spalding's family and, presumably, Ms. Spalding herself.
But hours after Mr. Klugian made the surprise announcement, "his story began to fall apart," a spokesman for the Cincinnati police said.
"We felt we had to take him in for questioning because his claim sounded to us like a hoax," said Cincinnati police Det. Charlton LaRocca. "It turned out he couldn't name a single song by Esperanza Spalding or any instrument that she played."
"He broke down and admitted that he thought if he said he had heard of Esperanza Spalding he'd get on The Today Show," Det. LaRocca said.
Davis Logsdon, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota, said that it "is not unusual for people to claim they have heard of someone like Esperanza Spalding as a means of getting attention."
"People will pretend to have heard of Esperanza Spalding for the same reason they pretend to like Arcade Fire," Professor Logsdon said. "It's a cry for help."
In other Grammy news, Justin Bieber's record label said that his new record would drop before his balls do.
Source: Man, 24, Claims to Have Heard of Esperanza Spalding (http://www.borowitzreport.com/2011/02/14/man-24-claims-to-have-heard-of-esperanza-spalding/)