WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report (http://bit.ly/32h4zU)) – In what political insiders are calling an unprecedented sign of desperation, the Republican National Committee today sought to attract new candidates for the 2012 presidential race by placing an ad on Craigslist, the popular online classified advertising site.
"We have been concerned about the way our crop of candidates has been shaping up for some time," said RNC chairman Reince Priebus. "But I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when the pizza guy said he was running."
Mr. Preibus said that party insiders have been bemoaning the absence of "grownups" in the current Republican field, "which is why we placed an ad in Craigslist under 'Adult Services.'"
"We said that we wanted someone tough, who was well-versed in obedience and discipline," he said. "We need someone who can whip us into shape, even if it's painful – quite frankly, that's what we'd love to have done to us."
While response to the Republican ad has been slow initially, Mr. Preibus said that the Party did receive a reply from one candidate, a woman named Madame Shoshondra from Somerville, Massachusetts.
In her response, Ms. Shoshondra, who has never held elective office, said, "I know when you've been naughty and will make you pay for it until you scream for mercy."
Mr. Preibus said he has not yet met Ms. Shoshondra but that he considers her a promising candidate for 2012: "As Republicans we have made the mistake of wandering from our core principles, and here's a woman who has promised to tie us down." More Borowitz here. (http://bit.ly/iu9EFF)
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Source: In Desperation Move, GOP Seeks New Candidates on Craigslist (http://www.borowitzreport.com/2011/05/24/in-desperation-move-gop-seeks-new-candidates-on-craigslist/)