NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report (http://bit.ly/rhihai)) – As the Republican presidential candidates gear up for yet another televised debate in New Hampshire tonight, a new poll of likely voters found that a broad majority "strongly agree" with the statement, "I would not trust these people to park my car."
The poll spells trouble for the GOP field about to face off in the Granite State, as significant majorities in the survey said they would not trust the candidates to "run a small-market Cinnabon" or "operate a simple blender."
While the survey showed some support for such candidates as Texas congressman Ron Paul, respondents still believed that Mr. Paul "would be better qualified to stand on street corners barking at random people."
The stakes of tonight's debate are especially high for Texas Gov. Rick Perry, who today requested that the debate be "open book."
Meanwhile, new frontrunner Herman Cain said that if he is allowed to do the same magic for America that he did for Godfather's Pizza, "The United States will be the No. 8 country in the world."
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