My fellow American,
This is Herman Cain!
As you may already know, I am on the verge of becoming the leader of the #1 country in the world. Not bad for the former leader of the #8 pizza chain.
What will life be like under Herman Cain? Every American will be able to savor his or her God-given freedoms: freedom from healthcare, retirement funds, and the basic government services necessary for survival.
Some of you may be wondering what I intend to replace all those things with. Well, Herman Cain has the answer: the gift of laughter.
I recently came across a new book called The Fifty Funniest American Writers* According to Andy Borowitz, and it is a book every American needs to own. After all, laughter is the best medicine, and if Herman Cain is president, there will be no medicine.
Flip through it and you'll find classic humor pieces by Mark Twain, David Sedaris, Nora Ephron, The Onion and dozens more. All the funniest Americans are in there, except Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul.
Now here's my all-new 9-9-9 Plan. Buy 9 copies for yourself. Buy 9 copies to give as gifts. I'm not sure what the last 9 copies are for. Like my other 9-9-9 plan, I'm making this shit up as I go along.
Now, you might be asking, what does Herman Cain know about comedy? Well, I did make that hilarious joke about frying illegal aliens with an electrified fence.
And here's something that's no joke: by clicking the link below, you will get the book for only $15.19 (46% off). And that's a good thing because once I'm President there will be no money.
Yours Ninely,
Herman Cain
BUY THE BOOK HERE (http://amzn.to/pfB2ie)
ALREADY A NATIONAL BESTSELLER! "Sublimely funny... This book is a treasure trove of laughter and an ideal gift for anyone who needs to be cheered up or refreshed, which these days means just about everyone you know." – Amazon
Borowitz Reports