CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report (http://bit.ly/v6QlWc)) – Herman Cain withdrew from the Republican presidential race today, a move that resulted in millions of pro-adultery voters shifting their support to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich.
The shift in support is significant because pro-adultery voters represent the single largest voting bloc in the Republican Party, experts say.
Tracy Klugian, a prominent adulterer from Concord, New Hampshire, said he was sorry to see Mr. Cain leave the race "because he was very committed to the one issue I care about: namely, adultery."
But he added that he had been in touch with many other adulterers in the state and that they were all switching to Mr. Gingrich.
"Even when we were supporting Cain, a lot of us were supporting Gingrich behind his back," the adulterer said. "I guess that's how we do."
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