CHARLOTTE (The Borowitz Report (http://bit.ly/NhEEu0))—The Democratic National Convention today released a dramatically revised schedule for the night of Wednesday, September 5th:
8:00 Call to Order by First Lady Michelle Obama
8:10 National Anthem, performed by Branford Marsalis (saxophone), Michelle Obama (vocals)
8:15 Pledge of Allegiance to Michelle
8:20 Former President Bill Clinton introduces video of Michelle Obama
8:25 Video replay of last night's speech by Michelle Obama (on loop until 10:58)
10:58—10:59 Remarks by Vice-President Joe Biden
10:59 Benediction by the Reverend Michelle Obama
Photograph by Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call/Getty.Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox (http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=743947b930).