Do confessions make a relationship stronger?

[Mirror]

Definitely not How can someone say they are intimate with someone else when they keep secrets from each other is a bone of contention for most relationships. As we are trying to create better and stronger relationships with each other, we have to try to erase problems from our past through talking and making things right.

Confessions imply screw-ups which show that we are human. No one is immune to mistakes. A confession in itself is an indication of a troubled mind trying to fix a situation through the need to open up to past misdeeds. A lot of people who confess may want to believe that it will help them to build an open and honest relationship and they may be right about that. Confessing to past misdeeds if done sincerely and openly can also go a long way if assuaging hurts.

On the other hand, opening a wound that wasn't there in the first instance may go a long way in creating chasms of division within a relationship that no amount of bridge building with sincerity on one's part may mend. A lot of people cannot and may not be able to handle the truth even when it stares them in the face.

For some people, the act of confession and confessing should be left within the confines of the church. In terms of relationship no go areas, confessing to one's partner is one of the serious mine-fields in which one has to be very careful about revealing information, how much should be revealed and the timing of the revelation itself.

Unless you and your partner have grown to the level within which maturity and mutual understanding are already well set, a serious confession to a past or current misdeed may severely undermine the stability of your relationship. While it may not bring the relationship to a halt, there may be a high risk of it ending and on a sour note for that matter.

Therefore if you have gotten to a point where your conscience may have become an open wound and where only the truth can heal it, you will have to think deeply about what you want to reveal, when you want to reveal the truth and even how much you want to reveal over a given period of time. Men generally don't talk about past misdeeds and we have our reasons. We tend to look at whether the discovery of the secret to be revealed may be inevitable. Why wait for someone else to leak the secret and blow the story out of proportions when we can easily do damage control by saying it ourselves.

Our telling our secrets ourselves therefore is a way to negotiate a truce or armistice on our own terms. Our telling the secret is not an admittance of weakness, stupidity, lust or addiction but a way of saying we are only human and that even if we may have hurt you deeply, you have to take us the way we are. You can call us selfish or self-centered but we always have to look out for numero uno when dealing with confessions because some confessions may even go beyond the issue of a broken relationship to creating serious problems in other facets of our lives and we have to be sure that the confession won't come back and hurt us.

A dose of reality here, if we want to make our relationship stronger, we will have to go beyond the idea of confessing things. We have to look at whether the confession will go a long way in solving issues that are already on ground or may be raised if the confession raises dusts. For most issues that may be confessed, restitution is an expected follow-up.

Accountability for one's actions is a sure bet when confessing. That you do not want to confess to past misdeeds doesn't make you a bad person. Also, confessing to acts you may have committed doesn't make you a better person than that person who hasn't. In my book, what makes you a good person is the conscious efforts you take not to go back to those things you have made up your mind are not good. Therefore do confessing to acts make a relationship stronger, I'll say a definite no.

Neither here nor there Transparency is very important in a relationship, and in an ideal setting, there should be absolutely NO SECRETS. A man should be absolutely open to his woman and vice versa. This means that if for any reason, one does something that could be offensive to the other partner, especially infidelity of any sort, the offender should confess the "sin" to his/ her partner.

Is this attainable? If it is, will such level of transparency and 'confess it all' policy be beneficial to the health and sustenance of a relationship? I want to believe that only a few people – the "players" – set out to cheat on their partners. In other words, most "sins" in relationships were "mistakes" which the offenders eventually regret.

Well, let us just say this is what obtains in an ideal setting. So, when someone 'mistakenly' does something that will offend his/her partner, what should he/ she do? Should he/she confess or just keep mute and hope the 'gist' does not reach his/her partner's ears so that the confession does not 'spoil things'? Or should he/ she just brace up and confess the wrongdoing with a heartfelt apology, hoping that the partner will forgive?

There are so many things that can weaken a relationship, including confessions of infidelity, no matter how 'mild'. However, such relationship 'weakeners' can actually be leveraged upon to strengthen the relationship. People ought to get closer and have stronger bonds after resolving an issue or making-up after a fight.

Like some wise person once said: the person who has been your friend the longest is the one who has forgiven you the most. This is very true. We hurt one another every day and it is in forgiveness that we can move on. But let us note that there are different levels of infidelity/ cheating.

Of course, we should know that you do not have to kiss, pet and/or have intercourse with someone before you 'cheat with' the person. There are some conversations you have with someone that you know will offend your partner. In the same vein, there are some thoughts you could have towards another person which will amount to cheating on your partner.

All kinds of cheating will affect the way you relate with your partner, and if he/she notices some coldness or withdrawal on your part, you may need to confess and 'repent'. I would like to think that it should be easier to trust someone who took up the courage to tell you something he/she did wrong and regrets.

But the truth is that our tolerance levels differ. Some people can quickly get over hurts while some dwell there almost forever. So, one can say that confessions may strengthen a relationship were the other partner is able to deal with hurt and move on, but will negatively affect a relationship where the partner finds it difficult to forgive and deal with such issues.

Considering tolerance levels, maybe it would be safe to keep your 'mind cheating games' to yourself, and brace yourself to confess the real cheating escapades, which in my opinion, can be avoided. If you keep having secret thoughts about your ex and you express those longings to your ex who does same with you, that is a dangerous game which can totally break your relationship. Should you confess it?

Well, you should, and such confession should be followed up with a workable plan to totally cut off from your ex. Whatever is the case, once your secret is not known to you alone, it can always reach your partner's ears. Do not assume that the person with whom you have cheated is keeping mute. Walls have ears! So, it may just be safer for you to make the confession and work hard to regain your partner's trust. And guess what?

There will be no need for this mind battle of "to confess or not to confess" if you do not cheat! So will confessions of "foul play" strengthen or mar a relationship? It's neither here nor there!

Source: Do confessions make a relationship stronger?

[femifemzy3]

Sometimes it does, Sometimes it doesn't.
It depends