Author Topic: Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies  (Read 1490 times)


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Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies
« on: Aug 12, 2012, 01:18 PM »
It is usual to hear people refer to their companion as 'my date' instead of 'my girl or boy friend'! Dating, as going out with a partner is referred to in some civilizations, can mean a completely different thing in other parts of the world. In the West, when you go out with a girl or man for dinner, a drink or some adventure it is said that you are 'on a date'...with your date.
In the Arab world (I stand to be corrected) there's hardly such thing as dating! The religious culture makes it an abomination to be seen with somebody's daughter in a public place. The girl's family honor will be said to have been injured if there's the slightest inkling or even suspicion of a relationship between young couple that was not initiated by either of the parents. In India the story is different; forget what you watch on Bollywood movies. In Africa, especially Sub-Saharan Africa, dating has a hybrid personality.  But that is for another discussion.
Whether you call it a date, or a girl or boyfriend boils down to one thing; you desire for it to culminate into a relationship founded on LOVE. Yes love, that four letter word that has made and marred relationships.
Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. Some people have killed for love while some have died for it. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish. The good news is that with effort and perseverance, you can learn what you need to know to make your relationship last in spite of your social or financial standing.
The holy Bible has summed it all: …BUT THE GREATEST IS LOVE!
The is the connection between two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another, especially as regards the way they behave toward and feel about one another. Relationship is all about living a happy and fulfilled life. It is also about two individuals adding up to one.

When two people appreciate each other so much that they decide to not live out of the reach of each other what is the next thing? 1 + 1 = 1!
My late cousin brother, Sheriff, stunned me when at his wife's funeral in April 2002 he told me that without her life was meaningless, that it would be a miracle if he lived beyond August of the same year! He passed away on August 26, 2002! while his wife died April 26, 2002. The bond they built during their life time was so strong that they took it to the grave! Now this is an example of true love, healthy love or, shall we say, formidable relationship.
You date with the hope that something positive will eventually come out of it. You date hoping that you will find that happiness that has eluded you.
One secret I discovered pertaining to relationship is that when you date, bury your past and focus on the future. You should also with all honesty give your partner benefit of the doubt and believe that she or he could be all you're looking for in a relationship. You should go it knowing that since you cannot recoup the past, you can at least mold the future for both your benefits. So, it will not be out of place for you to 'judge not'. If you are Christian (not Church goers) you should seek the face of God in prayer that your relationship will be a success story, and if you're a Muslim, depending of course, on your background you should also pray for success.
Proxy Dating
Some people are very shy, especially men, to approach a woman. And what do they do? they hire somebody to date their targeted woman on their behalf! So many marriages were consummated by proxy among the Hausa speaking people of northern Nigeria. That part of the country is also where there's the highest rate of broken homes and severed marriages in Nigeria. There was this instance when somebody was asked by a friend to court a particular girl for him to marry, when he (the messenger) saw that the girl was very beautiful, he instead introduced himself and refused to mention the friend that sent him. Every time he would go back to the friend with some juicy stories about how the girl was madly in love with him. Being influential the shy lover boy would give his friend money to give to the girl with a thousand kisses. By the time the lover boy summoned courage and decided that it was time for his parent to meet the parent of the girl for formal introduction, his friend (the messenger) had already made her his second wife! They ended up in court!
No lying
Be bold to face your partner head on, no pretense. Come to think of it, ladies admire boldness; they want a man that can take charge. Avoid telling your date lies so that you don't end up like Melle, my friend. Melle invited a girl from a neighboring community on a date. As he was seeing her off after they had had lunch, during which he told her uncountable lies about himself and his family, he saw a big Mercedes Benz S class approaching he then told the girl that that was one of his daddy’s  cars coming  and hid himself behind Shrubs so daddy would not see him. Unknown to Melle, it was actually the girl's father! As he came out of hiding he saw his date disappear into the car and that was it.
You see your partner should love you for who you are not what you are. Like Akeem would tell Lisa "I want you to love me for who I am not what I am"... Coming To America (Comedy film featuring Eddy Murphy).

Jossy Nock
Kaduna, Nigeria

Re: Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies
« Reply #1 on: Aug 15, 2012, 05:02 PM »
this is quite true and d main issue is that d love expression level in Nigeria has declined... ;)

Re: Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies
« Reply #2 on: Sep 11, 2012, 10:13 PM »
Any relationship that last in this present generation must be the one that is built on TRUST.Without that,they will crash

Re: Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies
« Reply #3 on: Sep 13, 2012, 11:55 AM »
There is nothing like LOVE in this country anymore.All i see is HATE......

Re: Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies
« Reply #4 on: Sep 17, 2012, 07:02 PM »
most people today just prefer to play around, but there are still some relationship built on LOVE!! but very few

Re: Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies
« Reply #5 on: Sep 21, 2012, 01:00 PM »
in 9ja, girls are out there for the moni not love

Re: Relationships, Love, Proxy Courtships and Lies
« Reply #6 on: Sep 21, 2012, 01:12 PM »
And that is why they said money can never buy love because love is a strong thing