Democrats Revise Convention Schedule

[BR]

CHARLOTTE (The Borowitz Report)—The Democratic National Convention today released a dramatically revised schedule for the night of Wednesday, September 5th:

8:00 Call to Order by First Lady Michelle Obama

8:10 National Anthem, performed by Branford Marsalis (saxophone), Michelle Obama (vocals)

8:15 Pledge of Allegiance to Michelle

8:20 Former President Bill Clinton introduces video of Michelle Obama

8:25 Video replay of last night's speech by Michelle Obama (on loop until 10:58)

10:58—10:59 Remarks by Vice-President Joe Biden

10:59 Benediction by the Reverend Michelle Obama

Photograph by Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call/Getty.

Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.