Reuben Abati Mocks Ayo Fayose Over 2017 Prophecies

Former presidential aide, Reuben Abati has mocked Ekiti State Governor, Ayo Fayose over the 22 prophecies he released for 2017.

Abati, who served under former president, Goodluck Jonathan, poked fun at Fayose via an article titled “The Morning after Christmas.”

Read it below:
“How was your Christmas Day?”

“Comme ci, comme ca”

“What’s that?”

“I am speaking French. You mean you don’t even understand elementary French?”

“No, I don’t. Speak English. How was Christmas?”

“Low-key. Like this, like that”.

“For me, it was a dead-end Christmas”

“God forbid. May we never have a dead-end Christmas. I reject it in Jesus name.”

“If you like, summon the Holy Ghost. We have never had a Christmas like this one. On Christmas eve in Lagos, come and see people just going about, many of them aimlessly. The kind of shopping that heralds Christmas was absent. For the first time, I could see the real colour of sadness, frustration and regret on the people’s faces.”

“It depends on what part of Lagos you are talking about. If you had been in Lekki or Victoria Island, you would have seen a different colour.”

“I know. There are two countries in one: the real Nigeria and the other Nigeria, where people live in a bubble. But the bubble is beginning to burst everywhere. With the Naira now N500 to the dollar, and businesses failing everyday, the pain is spreading. It was an unusual Christmas.”

“Everywhere jus’ dry. I know some people who used to hold Christmas parties every December 25. They just decided to postpone it till next year. But did you at least manage to eat rice and chicken?”

“Anybody that eats rice these days is very lucky indeed, with a bag of rice now N20, 000. And you can’t even be sure it is real rice. I learnt the market was flooded with plastic rice.”
“Plastic rice? What does that taste like?”

“I guess like plastic. “

“Never heard of that. Plastic rice?”

“To be on the safe side, these days, I only eat Ofada rice. Local rice.”

“All kinds of things happen during recession. Plastic rice. Empty pockets.”

“I know something about empty pockets, my brother. Imagine what I went through trying to get money from the ATM, two days to Christmas. I went to about five banks, you’d think people were queuing for fuel, with everyone looking anxious.”
“I know.”
“One queue covered an entire street. When I eventually found an ATM and it was my turn, the machine just started blinking. I didn’t know when I started shouting Blood of Jesus, Blood of Jesus.”
“You should have planned ahead. I don’t know why people have to wait till the last minute before withdrawing money. Nigerians should learn to plan ahead.”
“I did. The ATMs misbehave a lot these days and they are always crowded.”

“There is no money in circulation. I hear the Central Bank is broke. The banks are just managing.”

“You have started, hen? How can the Central Bank of Nigeria be broke? For the past three weeks now, the spot price of crude oil has been over $50 per barrel. That’s some good revenue.”

“May be it is the banks that are broke then. I just hope nobody has taken depositors’ funds to go and invest in the MMM.”

“What nonsense!”

“MMM was giving people better returns on their investments. Even bankers invested in the scheme. And now that the scheme has been frozen till January ending, there is panic everywhere. You would be surprised the kind of revelations that would come up if the profile of investors in the scheme is investigated.”